There was a time when I used to enjoy watching music channels such as Mtv and Channel V when I had nothing better to do.
There was a time when VJs such as Cyrus, Nikhil, Purab, Shehnaz, Vinay and others used to keep us glued to the tube and happily absorbed for hours together with their chattering, which was often pointless (agreed!!) but also fun and entertaining.
Enter Mtv and Channel V’s “Youth Campaign” and the dream comes to an end.
Recently both the music channels have undergone this image makeover to appeal to the youngsters across the country. According to the heads of the channels, what do young people in the country want? Young, petite and more importantly ‘hot’ VJs ready to wear clothes which hardly count as clothes in most parts of the world. VJs, who have the same IQ as their waist size, who cannot tell a pineapple from an apple, the kind who’re easy on the eyes, so what if they’re unbearable on the ears! But then if you notice all the CCD’s and all the food courts in the various malls across the country only ‘show’ these channels while playing music of their own. Guess this is all a part of a big conspiracy in itself.
Anyway coming back to the topic, recently our youth-oriented channels have started their own versions of reality television in various forms such as Roadies, Get Gorgeous, Teen Diva, Splitsvilla and so on.
All these basically involve disturbed, attention seeking young men and women from different parts of the country fighting it out for their own five seconds of fame on national television.
The latest to hit TV screens across the country is an all new reality show (yeah,right!) called Splitsvilla on Mtv. The concept is simple : twenty girls fight it out for the attention of two guys. Regular ‘dumpings’ take place and the last two girls standing take home the prize ie. The two guys and a truck load of money in this case. I happened to come across this ‘innovative and refreshing’ show while surfing the tube and just almost fell off my chair laughing at the various snippets I happened to catch.
Here are a few samples:
Scene#1: (Inside the hotel, with a gang of girls doing what they do best: gossiping)
Utterly Brainless But Hot Female1 (UBBHF1): I think he is extremely dumb but his bod is fab!
UBBHF2: You think so? I think he’s pretty smart, I mean the other day he filled the entire railway reservation form all by himself and trust me, that’s no mean feat!
UBBHF1: Really? Damn, guess I got him all wrong there.
UBBHF3: You guys can just keep dreaming. I’m going to win this and take him back to Mumbai. I don’t really like him but then this has lots of money.
UBBHF2: Can I keep him if you don’t like him? I’ll obviously return him later to you.
UBBHF3: Sure sure. I was going to keep him only for like three days anyway. Maybe all of you can share him from time to time.
Scene#2: (On the ground while the regular dumping ceremony takes place)
Brainless Host (BH): UBBHF1, UBBHF2 & UBBHF3, you guys are in the danger zone today. Two of you are going to be dumped today. Guys, tell us who is it going to be?
Totally Retarded Too Full Of Himself Guy1 (TRTFOHG1): I think UBBHF1 and UBBHF2 are really hot but they’re not intellectual enough. Just the other day I saw UBBHF1 reading an Ayn Rand and UBBHF2 discussing the teachings of Buddha with someone. So not cool!
TRTFOHG2: You’re so right Bro! Real men don’t like books or discussing such heavy stuff. We like bikes, booze and women and considering that, UBBHF3 totally takes the cake: she likes all of them too!
TRTFOHG1: She’s into women too? (Winks and high-five’s TRTFOHG2!) That’s so cool! Way to go Bro!
BH: Sorry UBBHF1 & UBBHF2, you’re just not ‘cool’ enough for this show! Pack your bags.
(Camera focusing on the faces of the contestants, tense music from the 70’s on)
The saddest part of the entire story? Guys and girls across the country religiously following the proceedings on such mind-numbing shows, making it a ritual to discuss this over cups of coffee in over-priced coffee shops and other such hangouts. People who choose to not watch this brand of television are subjected to contempt and mockery, making them some kind of a social outcast.
Ahh, what times are we living in??!!